


Mommy's Revenge

by jaded_and_restless



Category: Oz (TV)
Genre: Community: hardtime100, Crack, Fluff, Gen, flashfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 11:49:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6004876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaded_and_restless/pseuds/jaded_and_restless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hoyt receives a Valentine's gift from mommy dearest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mommy's Revenge

Hoyt, Beecher, Keller, and O'Reily were gathered around a table, engrossed in a poker game. Cyril was sitting beside his brother, silently watching them play.

"Aw fuck, it's Valentine's Day," the biker groused, noticing just now the heart-themed gifts the inmates were getting. This particular holiday had always filled him with a sense of dread.

"What got your panties in a twist?" O'Reily asked, while he dealt the cards around.

Hoyt ignored Ryan and craned his neck, scanning the common area. He saw Schillinger, with Robson in tow, pushing the mail cart toward them. The biker shot out of his seat, nearly toppling it over. "I gotta go to the gym. Now," he yelled at a nearby hack.

Schillinger saw this and deftly maneuvered his cart to the side, blocking Hoyt's way. He ignored the murderous look the tattooed man gave him.

Robson dutifully started passing out various items. Keller received three letters (containing nude pics from his ex-wives) and a pack of socks, while the O'Reilys got a tray of fudge and a dozen red velvet cookies from Aunt Brenda.

Beecher was surprised that the chocolate and cards from his kids had not been tampered with. "Why the sudden good mood Vern?" he asked, tone suspicious.

"Well sweetpea, I'm feeling rather magnanimous today," Vern replied amiably. "That's about it. Happy Valentine's Day boys." He turned to leave.

Hoyt, who was standing ramrod straight the whole time, heaved a sigh of relief.

"Oh, I almost forgot this." Vern bent down and retrieved a large box, placing it on the middle of the table. "From mommy dearest," he said, smirking at Hoyt.

The biker had suddenly gone pale.

"Aren't you going to open it?" Robson asked sweetly. People were starting to gather around, wondering why Hoyt was shitting bricks over a package.

"Fuck you, Half Dick."

"Bite me," Robson snarled.

"Already did," Beecher quipped, pointedly looking at Robson's crotch.

Everyone cracked up, even the hardass Mineo, with Keller guffawing the loudest. Vern grabbed Robson's collar before he could punch the mouthy ex-prag. At the moment, Hoyt's impending public humiliation was more important.

"Just open it already. It can't be that bad," O'Reily interjected.

Hoyt regarded the sea of expectant faces. Shit. There was no way out.

Squaring his shoulders, the biker opened the box and peeked inside, shuddering as he did so. Every year, without fail, his mother sent him one abomination after the other. And every year, it got worse and worse. Maybe it was payback for all the grief he had caused her since he was five.

Hoyt roughly pulled the offensive item out, holding it away from him like it contained anthrax. Hell, he should have told his mom to lace the fucking thing with deadly toxins while she was at it. If he was going to die of shame, at least he was going to take all these assholes down with him.

All of them dropped into a stunned silence. A beat later, the whole Em City again burst out laughing. Vern and Robson were holding each other up, tears of mirth streaming down their faces.

Keller was the first one to recover. "What the fuck is that?"

"It's a plushie," Hoyt said between clenched teeth. Knowing his mom, it was probably a collector's item too. Goddamn thing was even holding a bouquet of flowers. Were those peonies or carnations? He couldn't tell.

"Does it have a name?" Beecher asked, lips twitching.

Hoyt read the tag near its furry butt. "His name is Llewelyn the Love Monkey."

That prompted another fresh wave of hilarity from inmates and hacks alike.

Ryan snickered. "Why would your mom send you, a grown ass man, a stuffed animal?"

"I don't fucking know. I told her to stop, but she still keeps sending me weird shit every Valentine's Day." Hoyt started thinking of ways to get rid of the monkey. Burn it? Cut it up and flush the pieces down the toilet? Or throw it into one of Busmalis's holes?

Then he saw the expression of utter adoration on Cyril's face. The guy looked like he just clapped eyes on his first pussy or something.

Making up his mind, Hoyt stomped over to where the blond was sitting. "Here, you can have it," he said gruffly, dumping the plushie on Cyril's lap, ignoring the jeers and kissy noises being thrown at them. He made a mental note to airhole those fuckers sometime in the near future.

Cyril looked ready to burst into delirious, happy tears, as if Halloween, Christmas, and New Year were all contained inside this fluffy, polyester blend of fugliness. "Thank you," he stammered, hugging Llewelyn close to his chest.

Hoyt gave a small smile in response.

Well, at least one of them found some joy from this stupid holiday.


End file.
